On Moving, Moving On

A college kid helping kids and others

Grandparents

Some kids absolutely love their grandparents & love spending time with them, while other kids don’t have much to do with their grandparents.  Why is that?   I think that a lot of times, it’s really about getting to know your grandparents.  Sometimes the kid needs to make the effort to show interest. 

One of the best ways to do that is ask your grandparents about their life as a kid.  You’ll be amazed at what kind of stories they’ll tell you!  Some will be happy, some sad, some about difficult times which makes you appreciate your own life.  In most cases, you’ll learn about life back in the days they were young.  This is a really fun way to learn about history & what life was like in those years, or even in another country.

It’s pretty easy to start a conversation like that . . . just ask something specific like what was school like when they were your age; what did they do for fun; what kinds of foods did they eat that might be different than what you’re use to; what did a typical day look like for them. You’ll probably make them smile and help them into a good mood!  The more interest you show in them, the more interested they’ll be in you!  It’s the same sort of thing you’d do with a regular friend.  So just be their friend and you’ll find that the relationship you can have with your grandparents can be among the best you’ll ever have!

And remember, grandparents just want to give love and be loved in return.

Advertisements

March 13, 2011 Posted by | Relationships | , , | 1 Comment

Bullies

This is a big and serious topic.  No one likes a bully, except maybe other bullies – but “other bullies” sometimes only pretend to like a bully.  Here’s the thing; no one likes to feel bad, not even the bully.  A bully thinks he can feel good by making others feel bad, but the reality of it is he’s probably doing more harm to himself  than the people he’s bothering. This is actually true, whether he/she knows it or not.  Remember, what you put out comes back to you many times over.  Sometimes you experience it right away; sometimes it takes a while . . . but it always comes back to you, and often in ways you never even though of.  So don’t be a bully!  Bullies are part of the problem in society.  As a human being, you were created to be part of the solution!  When you are part of the solution is when you find your true happiness!

So . . . what about kids who experience the outbursts of the bully?  Well, first of all, let’s try to prevent that altogether by recognizing who they are and staying away from them.  Sometimes that’s unavoidable, I know, but really do your best to avoid them and not even make eye contact with them.  Just be confident in yourself and they’re more likely to leave you alone as bullies like to prey on “easy targets”.  Also, surround yourself with good friends who stick up for each other. 

Most schools today have a Zero Tolerance policy towards bullies.  You should check in your schools handbook to find out how this works.  If you encounter a bully, talk about it with your parents or a trusted adult.  They can often help to give you great suggestions.  Depending on the seriousness and/or frequency of the offense(s), you might find that you or a parent might have to take more serious action according to your school policies.     

Here’s something to think about . . .  this subject wouldn’t even be an issue if we were just all nice to each other! 

March 6, 2011 Posted by | Relationships | , , , | Leave a comment

Dealing With Grumpy People

When you’re around someone who’s always angry or mad at something, their attitude can often times have an affect on your own. Before you know it, you could end up feeling upset and become grumpy yourself just by being around them. But, keep in mind that the grouch only has the power to affect your mood if you allow it. 

So what do you do when you encounter a grumpy person?

You could try to help that person by comforting them and asking them what’s wrong. Perhaps you can be sympathetic to their situation and offer a helping hand.  It might even make sense to show them the good in their situation.  It’s always best to help others, and consequently you will end up helping yourself.

Another thought might be (especially if you’re dealing with strangers) to just leave their presence and go hang out with people who are happy and have great attitudes. Being around happier people lifts your spirits and you will find that you too will be happier along with them.

November 29, 2010 Posted by | Relationships | , , | Leave a comment

Desperate for Friendship?

Don’t be. 

Friendship should come naturally.  You can’t force someone to be your friend.  Friendships develop because two people have something in common or some common interests.

Some people make friends easily; for others it’s more of a challenge.  Why?  It’s because of how you’re being.  If it’s a challenge for you, look within . . . you might find you have to change something about how you’re being in order for others to want to be your friend.

Here are some things to consider:

–          Be nice, be friendly, but don’t be overbearing.  If you act desperate, you’ll end up with the opposite of what you want.  Desperation is a total turn-off.  If someone’s not interested in being your friend at this time, leave them alone.  If you pursue them when they’re not interested, you’ll push them further away and possibly even give yourself a bad reputation.    If you act “normal” you might find that a friendship could develop in time.

–          Learn how to “read” people.  If you do something that annoys them, then don’t do it anymore.  You’ll be able to tell by how they react to you. 

–          Find a way to bring value to others.  Pay attention to what they like and figure out how to bring them more happiness. 

–          Don’t put out mixed signals.  If you act nice towards a person sometimes, then other times make fun of them or try to make them look bad especially in front of others, you’re not being a friend.  Major problem!

–          Being a friend is a 2 way street.  It’s not just about what you can get out of the friendship, it’s also about what you can do for them.  And remember . . . if they don’t want your friendship – let them go – you don’t have a match!

–          The best way to attract friends is by being happy.  People want to be around other happy people because it makes them feel good.  If you’re a downer, forget about it . . . you’ll only attract other downers.  Watch what you say to others.  If all you talk about are your problems, you’ll turn people away. 

–          Be happy, light-hearted, and make others laugh. Did I mention be happy?  Very important!

–          If you feel your friendship with someone is 1-sided, & you’re making all the effort, then you don’t really have a friendship.  Don’t waste your time. Just let it go.  You can’t control someone else, so don’t even try.

–          Don’t obsess over someone.  It’s never worth it, & it never works.

–          Be considerate.  In other words, consider how the other person feels.  You always want to leave them with a feeling that their time spent with you was worthwhile.  If they don’t feel that way, you’ll know it.  When that’s the case, adjust how you’re being, or just leave them alone.  There are plenty of other people who’ll want to be your friend.  Find them by being alert, aware, and pleasant.

November 24, 2010 Posted by | Relationships | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

When “friends” try to put you down: What do you do?

It’s a very strange concept: Just think about it… why would a friend want to put you down or make you feel bad. That sure doesn’t sound like a friend to me. Let’s start with this: A friend by dictionary definition is, “Someone who freely supports and helps out of good will.” If a so-called “friend” of yours is harassing you or attempting to make you look bad or feel bad – they’re not being a friend.  You might try talking to them about it another time, one-on-one, in attempt to fix the problem.  Otherwise, just stay open to friendships with people who are positive & make you feel good.   A true friend is not self serving and does not put others down.

October 17, 2010 Posted by | Relationships | Leave a comment

Sibling Rivalry

If you have a brother or sister, or a household full of them, then you probably find yourselves getting into fights every now and then.  Did you know that most if not all these sorts of fights could be avoided?

 Lets’ face it, you’re probably around each other quite a bit, so it’s easy to let your guard down and not be on “your best behavior.”  But why shouldn’t you be?  If you give your best you get the best.  And a peaceful household is worth it for everyone, including Mom & Dad.

DO:
     –         Be nice.  Treat others with respect.
     –         Appreciate other’s differences.  We can’t all be the same – that would be boring.
     –         Offer help with sincerity when someone could use it.
     –         Allow others to express themselves as long as they’re not being destructive.
     –         Be tolerant and patient.
     –         Be polite.
     –         Share.

DON”T:
     –         Don’t be a pest or a tease and push other people’s buttons.  You probably know very well,  what upsets someone in your household, so avoid doing that.
     –         Don’t be self-serving . . . think of others.
     –         Never name-call or insult.  You can offer constructive criticism if done in a sincere and helpful way.
     –         This is obvious, but don’t show aggression or try to hurt someone physically.
     –         Don’t force yourself into someone’s space when you know they want to be alone.
     –         Don’t get angry at others.  Practice communicating with them in a relaxed way even when you don’t  agree with them.
     –         Don’t be closed minded.  Someone else’s different opinion might just teach you something.

 Pretty simple stuff.  The more you practice it, the easier it becomes.

August 24, 2010 Posted by | Relationships | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

How to Make Friends in School

 Here are some helpful tips to help you be the best friend you can be. In return, you will attract the friends you want.

1. Smile at people any chance you get. Everyone can use some cheering up every once in a while.

2. Be open to conversations. Feel free to jump into a conversation that you feel you can relate to easily. People love to hear other perspectives.

3. Talk In a spirited way. In other words, don’t talk to someone like you’re bored or uninterested.

4. Offer to help a classmate or someone you see at school who looks like they need help. Of course, don’t try to help someone during a test by giving them an answer. That’s just not acceptable and could easily get you into trouble.

5. Sit with people at lunch who you think you’d be interested in making friends with. If the first table doesn’t work out because you can’t relate to anyone there, move to a new table the next day.

6. Just be happy. No one wants to be around others who are down-in-the-dumps. If you constantly express a friendly, happy attitude, then you’ll notice that more kind and friendly people will want to be around you. That’s just how it works.

August 17, 2010 Posted by | Relationships | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Arguing – How Do You Win?

It’s like this . . . you don’t win when you argue but you can win when you discuss.  All arguments are based on a disagreement.  All disagreements do not end up in arguments . . . so that should be a hint.  If you really think about it, no disagreement has to end up in an argument.   Might sound foreign to some, but it’s true.

Look at what the difference is between arguing and disagreeing.  Arguing always includes anger and negative emotions.  So, when 2 people are angry and argue with each other, there really are no winners.  The key is to not get into an argument in the first place.  That doesn’t mean don’t discuss things you disagree on – not at all.  What it does mean is to go into the discussion when you’re not mad or upset AND keep an open mind to the other side’s point of view.   “Winning” a disagreement is all about keeping calm and in control.  Often, everyone can win when this approach is taken. 

When you realize how beneficial this inner control is to you and others, it’s going to take practice to master, especially if the other person is already angry.  The best thing to do in that case is to not participate in the discussion and pick up the conversation later when you both are in a good mood.  If you find yourself having to talk to the angry person, you really have to consciously remember to be calm.  When you’re calm you can be rational & sometimes even help the other person to calm down by example.

It’s important to note that angry people never truly emerge the winners in an argument.  It’s empowering to know that the calm, rational person has a much better chance at getting their point across and getting the results they want.

July 19, 2010 Posted by | Relationships | Leave a comment